Random Bob Jones University Memories…

Judging from the feedback I’ve received, on and off the web, both positive and negative, there seems to be some interest in life at Bob Jones University – more specifically, my life at Bob Jones University.

Occasionally, and usually without warning, random BJU “flashbacks” will snap me out of the here-and-now and for a moment…I’m back walking the well-worn covered sidewalks of the Fortress of Faith.

Some recent forgotten BJU moments:

A group of master debaters -- Sam is far right.

1) The time I received 25 demerits for calling Sam Lamerson “The Master Debater” because Sam was a member of the University Debate Association. Someone more spiritual than I overheard me say “Master Debater” and “turned me in” to the proper BJ authorities.

2) Since you brought up masturbation, the memory of Mr. Tony Miller’s “Masturbation Lectures” still haunts me. At a “Men’s Dorm Meeting”, Mr. Miller would stand on a chair and preach to the assembled dorm occupants about the evils of masturbation. Some of his more disturbing quotes:

“Men, there are those here who will continue this and prefer it to sexual intercourse with their wives.”

“When you fantasize about a woman while masturbating, you not only harm your spirit, you sully hers.”

Mr. "M"

Hard to believe the wizards-of-smart at BJU later promoted this moron to Dean of Men where I believe he continued his “Big M” lectures via the on-campus radio station WBJU AM 620.

3) Listening to Dr. Katherine Stenholm go off on Tina Turner’s song, What’s Love Got to Do with It. Dr. Stenholm believed that art (whether a song, painting, photograph or motion picture) was immoral if it did not punish or condemn immorality. She spent an entire class hour explaining to us why Ms. Turner’s song was immoral.

4) As BJU Cinema students, we were required to plan our budget for our student film projects – the thing is we had to figure in another 15 to 20% to cover what we film students called “The Pachter Factor”. Fredrick J. Pachter was the cinema faculty member that processed our black & white 16mm motion picture film – and he had a habit of ruining a good bit of it. So, when we students would be shooting, we always shot more footage than we needed to cover “The Pachter Factor.”

5) Watching a film about the Holocaust during Cinema Lab, the supervising cinema instructor, Mr. Bruce Polhamus, covered the lens of the film projector during the scenes showing dead, naked, female bodies. Did Mr. Polhamus think those scenes were sexy?

6) Cinema faculty member, Mr. Ray Gahagen, a small be-speckled, Woody Allen look-a-like who spent an enormous amount of time trying to computerize our manually controlled ACME animation camera and stand. Mr. Gahagen spent weeks cooped up in a small, lime-green room in the Animation Department writing in machine code and BASIC. We’d ask him, “How’s it going, Mr. Gahagen?” His reply was always the same: “Still working the bugs out.”

Mr. Gahagen was later “let go” for reasons – well – let me just say he and Woody Allen had a lot more than looks in common…

We never did get that ACME stand computerized.

7) Spring time, in the back of the Concert Center (now called Stratton Hall), when I caught my speech teacher, Mr. Don Ryerson and his fiancé, Miss Rosa Miles “making out” – BJU style. All I said was, “Hi, Mr. Ryerson!” in a very cheery voice. He and Miss Miles could’ve been severely disciplined or fired, but I never said a word. My speech grades did improve, however.

8) Speaking of the Concert Center, I pooped on the roof in the spring of 1980. Some other time – it’s a long story.

9) Someone was smoking pot on first floor of Johnson (Dormitory) during the summer of 1981. Never found out who – dammit.

10) If you were a really good looking girl and you took Mr. Wade K. Ramsey’s Photography 101 class, you would get an “A”.

11) October 1984 – Dr. Bob Jones III convenes the first ever (and only) BJU “Ghost Busters Chapel.” Seems a student, James E. Witt, worked part-time for a taxidermist and managed to snag a set of bear paws and bear feet and brought them back to campus. Apparently, bear paws and feet, when stripped of their fur (pelt? skin?) look very similar to human hands and feet. Mr. Witt had the bright idea of leaving these human remain look-a-likes on the keyboard and pedals of a student piano located in the University’s “Practice Shacks”. Someone actually did think they were human and called the Greenville (South Carolina) police AND Dr. Bob III at approximately 2:00 AM. Later that same day, Dr. Bob III called a campus assembly and proclaimed any Halloween pranks or ghost stories “off-limits”. In other words – expulsion. Hence, the “Ghost Busters” Chapel.

12) Grady Stone from Wilson, North Carolina predicted the MP3 player, February 1980.

13) It was I, Ektachrome, who invented the first “Walkman” long before Sony ever did. Back in the late fall of 1978, I took my RCA 9-volt transistor radio and spliced together two sets of audio ear-plugs so I could listen to WFBC-AM after lights out (11:00 PM). Everything – the radio and the ear-plugs – could be hidden safely inside the stuffing of my pillow. Unlike the Sony Walkman, my radio wasn’t stereo, but at least I kept up with the Top-40 of the late 70’s.

Dr. G. Salter

14) Bob Jones University – the only place where I have met two people who actually met and shook hands with Adolf Hitler – and later came to work on faculty at BJU – Dr. Guenter Salter and Ms. Edith Long. Unusual, indeed.

15) The day in Child Psychology Dr. Walter Fremont walked from his desk to where I was sitting and rubbed his hands through my curly hair and said, “There’s a ni**er in the woodpile!”

To this day I have no idea what that had to do with class.

He, Dr. Fremont, was also the guy that declared it was “okay” to make fun of fat people because “they can help it.”

16) I experienced repeated episodes of “counseling” by various dormitory supervisors. First there was Mr. Craig Olsen, Dorm Supervisor of Reveal Dormitory – Mr. Olsen was fat, soft, effeminate and a total prick. Second, there was Mr. Doug Sprunger, a total creep. This guy played a major role in finally getting me “shipped” (expelled).

There is an addendum to Doug Sprunger – he later became pastor at a small church near the Ektachrome Family Compound in Illinois. My only hope is that Illinois treats him as well as he treated me.

17) I hate to admit it – the rice & gravy at the Dining Commons was divine.

18) 1981 – my roommate and I snuck off to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. Twice.

19) I got in trouble in Biological Science Survey for laughing at Mark Dutton and Dave Doran drawing “smiley faces” on pictures of male genitalia in our biology textbook. (The seating was alphabetical – Doran, Dutton, Ektachrome, etc.) I was fine until Dutton tilted the book in my direction and said, “Oh look! He’s happy!”

20) And last, a salute to the BJU Vintage (yearbook) Staff of 1981, who, when faced with a spacing problem on page 285, invented a student to fill the space – Cecil H. Sandersen of Zephryhills, Florida.

This event took place in the days long before Photoshop – they cut the head off of an underclassman and pasted it onto the body of an upperclassman. Brilliant.

Only problem was, “Cecil’s” face was the real face of a real student named Doug Haughton, Jr. (on page 297) – and friends of Doug’s pointed out the fact that he was also “Cecil H. Sandersen” – well, the jig was up. Dr. Bob Jones III came down hard on the 1981 Vintage Staff.

I’m sure they’re still suffering…

1981 BJU "Vintage" Staff

 Twenty Flashbacks – that’s enough for now.

November hurricanes are rare, very rare –

So rare, in fact, that it makes me wonder – is this hurricane just happenstance or is it, like Perry Stone says, the Judgment of Almighty God?

You see, Perry Stone, Chuck Baldwin, Gordon Godfrey, John Hagee, et al, have all stated many times that the hurricanes striking the U.S. gulf coast are the direct result of immoral activity – by “immoral”, they usually mean “homosexual”. Since these gentlemen are Men of God who receive knowledge, insight and wisdom directly from the Mind of Almighty God, one can only assume that God is really angry about something in Pensacola.

Let’s look at the newspaper – all of the “immoral” activity took place over the weekend – there was the Perdido Key Martini Festival, the Nerd Invasion at the Silver Screen movie theatre and Marcy Playground in concert – there was the Gulf Coast Arts Festival in Seville Square, Pensacola (of course, we all know most artists are gay) – and yet, the weekend was beautiful! Absolutely perfect!

But today (Monday, November 9) there’s a hurricane just off the coast – it’s cloudy, windy, rainy – schools are closed – the beaches are empty – the roads flooded – What has changed? – What activity could be going on that would enrage the Almighty?

From the Pensacola News Journal…

Baptists flocking to annual meeting

About 2,000 people expected for event

The 148th annual meeting of the Florida Baptist State Convention comes to Pensacola later this month, the first visit of the state’s largest evangelical group to Northwest Florida since 2002.

About 2,000 Baptist pastors, administrators and church members are expected to attend the gathering, which takes place Nov. 9-10 at Olive Baptist Church.

This year’s theme is “Imagine If …”

Baptist Invasion

Ah – I think we’ve found the source of the trouble – it’s all of those Southern Baptists!

Maybe God has grown weary of Southern Baptists being such lousy tippers at Denny’s.

Maybe God still hasn’t gotten over the fact that the Southern Baptist Convention was originally created because of the belief that African-Americans should stay enslaved and have their own churches.

And speaking of “Southern Tradition”, maybe it’s the fact that the convention is being hosted by Olive Baptist Church – the home church of Principal H. Frank Lay – the public school principal who believes everyone in public school should pray – whether they want to or not – no matter what the law says.

Maybe God has tired of the absolutely awful music composed and performed in His name – Contemporary Christian Music groups (like those headlining the convention) that take the secular elements of rock music and interweave them with quasi-religious lyrics.

Maybe God is upset that the 2009 Florida Baptist Pastor’s Conference and State Convention has ripped off its theme (“Imagine”) from John Lennon…

I don’t know.

All I know is that these Baptists are leaving on Tuesday, November 10 –

– and the forecast for the rest of the week is sunny and clear – with a high in the lower 70’s.

A coincidence?

…to be more accurate, a painting representing Jesus – and this act of urination for comedic purposes is seen as an insult to Christianity, its symbols and “miracles.”

The whizzing in question takes place on Larry David’s hit TV show (HBO) Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry (plays a TV version of himself) is taking some pill that that increases urine flow and, like so many times before in Curb, Larry is caught in an awkward situation of having to relieve himself with no or (in this case) little (as in small) facilities available. (NOTE: Anyone who has ever watched Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm will recognize this common Larry David plot convention – the more socially awkward, the better.) Larry ends up splattering on a Jesus painting – later, the pissed-on painting is seen as a miracle because it looks as though the portrait of Jesus is crying, à la, The Weeping Virgin, et al.

Deal Hudson, author and publisher of InsideCatholic.com, said he doesn’t find any humor in the episode.

“I don’t think it’s funny,” Hudson told Foxnews.com. “Why is it that people are allowed to publicly show that level of disrespect for Christian symbols? If the same thing was done to a symbol of any other religions — Jewish or Muslim — there’d be a huge outcry. It’s simply not a level playing field.”

Hudson said an apology from the show’s producers and writing team should be issued.

“Somebody should [apologize],” Hudson said. “When is it going to stop? When is common sense going to dictate that people realize this willingness of artists to do to Christianity what they would never do to Judaism or Islam?” ~ Foxnews.com, 10/28/09

Obviously, Mr. Hudson has never watched Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm and is unfamiliar with Larry David’s style and shtick. Since Seinfeld’s first airing in 1991, there hasn’t been a minority, a nationality, a disease, a physical infirmity, a sexual orientation, a social situation, a holiday or a religion that hasn’t been made fun of! Judaism included; for example, the Curb episode where Larry David torments a fellow Jew by having an orchestra play Wagner outside his window (“Trick or Treat”, Season 2, Episode 3).

Now – as far as I know, Islam hasn’t been treated to Larry David’s sense of humor. Why? In spite of all of its notoriety, Islam just isn’t that familiar to most people. It’s hard to write good comedy about a subject that the majority of the viewing audience is unfamiliar with. Good comedy comes from a familial relationship with the subject – there’s an element of truth in the joke. How can we laugh at Islam when most of us have no idea what the truth is? (A priest, a rabbi and an imam go into a bar….just doesn’t work – on so many levels…)

Another thing – Islam guards its Holy Prophet better than Christianity guards Jesus, Mary or any other Biblical Holy One. Islam prohibits depiction of the Prophet Muhammad.

On the other hand, Christianity has turned Jesus into a commodity. Mel Gibson is praised for beating the living daylights out of Christ in his film – Jesus is graphically crucified on a daily basis at The Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida – televangelists regularly invoke the “name of Jesus” to raise donations and expand their religious empires – Contemporary Christian Music uses rock-n-roll and Jesus to sell albums – Christian writers sell books by claiming they have insight into the “mind of Christ” – apocalyptic-end-time preachers use Jesus to build an audience and laugh all the way to the bank – there are Jesus Fish, Jesus bobble-heads, Jesus cartoons, Jesus in Cheetos, Jesus-is-my-home-boy clothes…

…according to Christian doctrine, we, each member of the human race – we are responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus. Being imperfect, Jesus had to die for us.

Makes peeing on a painting seem pretty mild in comparison.

Maybe that’s what Mr. David was trying to tell us.

Larry David — theologian for the Common Man.

Being expelled from college, or in Bob Jones University terminology, “shipped”, can be, as in my case, a life-changing or life-altering experience. The experience certainly left an impression on me – even after 27 years.

Yes – that’s right – 27 years and I still think about it. No April 23rd ever goes by without me thinking about what happened that afternoon, three (3) weeks short of graduation, in 1982.

And this news item (AP story here) about the Louisiana Justice of the Peace who refused to marry interracial couples because, according to Justice of the Peace, Keith Bardwell, “I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way” (CNN story here) brought back a lot of memories of the rancor, acrimony and paranoia that permeated the BJU campus during the IRS v. BJU tax exemption fight back in 1981 – 82.

It was during this time, Bob Jones University, the Dean of Men (Tony Miller) and the Dean of Students (Jim Berg) sent an official letter home to my parents giving them three reasons why I had been shipped – but that wasn’t the whole story – what the University left out in the “official” Letter of Expulsion were the unrecorded and unwritten statements made by Tony Miller – statements that were unusually cruel, judgmental and, as it turned out, totally wrong.

In addition to Tony Miller’s unrecorded oral statements, there were also “off-the-record” reasons for expelling me – reasons that were not spelled out in the official BJU letter sent to my parents’ home. One of those undocumented reasons was a 4-panel cartoon strip that I drew (anonymously) called Dormsbury.

It’s hard to explain now, but at the time, Bob Jones University was embroiled in the fight to keep its Tax Exempt status and, in the national media, the University was under fire for its policy of “no interracial dating.” The fact that the Administration based their stand, their prejudice, their bias on Scripture angered me.

Dormsbury came about after a BJU student poked fun at a Doonesbury strip that mentioned BJU by publishing his own Doonesbury-like strip accusing Doonesbury (Garry Trudeau) of ignoring the fact that African-Americans actually attend BJU. (The 3-panel strip had a crude caricature of Garry Trudeau walking across the BJU campus with a giant pencil eraser in hand, erasing African-American BJU students because they “weren’t supposed to be there.”)

Being a closet Doonesbury fan, I decided to make my own little cartoon, voilà, Dormsbury was born.

I would quietly sketch the cartoon in my dorm room, then “ink” it with a fine tip Sharpee. The strip was really for my amusement and for the amusement of other like-minded individuals – I never meant for it to be circulated around campus.

But it was.

We did not have locks on our dorm room doors at BJU and someone, I never found out who, took many of my originals, even some of the unfinished pencil sketches, copied them and posted them on bulletin boards around campus.

Yep – not good.

Anyway, about a month ago, while digging through a closet in my home office, I found a few Dormsbury originals – some still unfinished – the paper wrinkled and yellowed with age. Using various computer aids, I tried to restore them to their former infamous glory…

The “Roy” mentioned above, was the BJU CFO, Roy Barton.

The “Chancellor”, at the time, was Dr. Bob Jones, Jr.  This strip actually foretold what the future Chancellor, Dr. Bob Jones III, would admit on Larry King Live in 2000 — that the interracial dating policy was “worthless” and not supported by Scripture — my original assertion.

I couldn’t find the finished original, so I had to use the pencil sketch to produce this.  BTW, there is no TV station WAX (that I know of). ~ EKTA

Some additional observations regarding the Fall 2009 issue of the BJU Review…

First – It appears that the interracial dating regulations have not been the only rules to have been changed.

Actually, I noticed this change before I received my copy of the latest BJU Review. While doing some reading for the “BJU Beer Summit” , I discovered a photo on the official BJU.edu website of the University’s president, Dr. Stephen Jones, with a goatee. Naturally, I thought it was a joke, so I stumbled around inside the BJU website and found videos of Dr. Jones speaking to potential students – and he still had the goatee.

Now I’m thinking, this is no joke – BJU has lifted the ban on male facial hair.

Evil Twin?

Facial hair (beards, moustaches, goatees and any combination of the three) was forbidden at BJU. Why? Well, not because of any Biblical reason – it was because facial hair was associated with a sloven appearance and with beatniks, hippies and those who were rebelling against society. Several times during my illustrious educational career at BJU I was called out for not shaving – even on weekends. “It’s not a school day,” I used to sarcastically reply, but the answer was always the same: “Doesn’t matter. Every day is a school day at BJU.”

Quick story – there were some staff members who were allowed moustaches. I remember one fellow who worked in the bowels of the University’s computer room back in the late 70’s. His moustache was allowed because he had some sort of malformed lip. (Yes – I asked.) During the shooting of the BJU/Unusual Films motion picture Sheffey (this was back in 1976-77) many students, staff and faculty were asked to be cast members and extras in the feature length film set in the late 1800’s. Naturally, real facial hair looks more realistic than fake, so these extras and cast were asked to “grow their own.” But – these bearded exceptions to the “no beard” rule were asked to wear large badges (like political buttons) identifying them as Sheffey cast members. Got a Sheffey badge? Your beard is okay.

Inside the BJU Review 2009 fall issue, I counted three – yes, 3, goatees, all sported by BJU employees. Strangely though, the picture of Dr. Stephen Jones was sans goatee. I can only speculate as to why. An old picture? More conservative (i.e., cleanly shaven) individuals still read only print media? He only wears the goatee for the BJU web presence?

Dr. Stephen Jones should wear the goatee with pride – a lot of men do.

Second – Inside the latest BJU Review, two recent Cinema grads are mentioned. One, Sarah Nevius (2009 MA Cinema) won 3rd place in a film festival with her film on grief called Solace. Always good to see a fellow cinema grad do something with the major, but the award came from Fireworks International’s Redemptive Film Festival, which, at the same 2009 ceremony, gave religious huckster Paul Crouch of TBN fame a “Lifetime Achievement” award.  Yikes.

The other Cinema major is Darcy Faylor who entered a screen writing contest and won $10,000 for her script Moody Field.  The article in the BJU Review describes her winning script as this:

Darcy’s script recounts the story of a family in World War II America…the family hires German prisoners of war from…a nearby prison camp in Valdosta, Georgia. The family learns to embrace German prisoners of war as equal members of society. The script, with its themes of love and forgiveness, contains a strong salvation message. “This story…is based on actual events,” Darcy said.

Yes – the “actual events” sound very much like the novel and the movie (the two, as usual, are slightly different) Summer of My German Soldier.  The novel by Bette Greene, was first published in 1973, and later adapted into a TV movie starring Kristy McNichol and Bruce Davison in 1978. (Kristy McNichol retired from acting over a decade ago, but you probably remember Bruce Davison as Attorney Wyck Fayer in Seinfeld.)

Here’s a short synopsis of the TV movie Summer of My German Soldier:

Patty Bergen (Kristy McNichol) is a teenager in a Jewish family living in the American South (Arkansas) during World War II. Her town eventually becomes host to a prisoner of war camp. A young German soldier (Bruce Davison) escapes from this camp and Patty finds him hiding in her “secret place” in the woods outside of town. After getting to know him, she ends up harboring him from his captors, and falls in love with him. Patty knows what she is risking to help him. In the end, his regard for her lifts her self-esteem and helps Patty face life and its heart breaks.

Short of the “strong salvation message”, the two stories sound eerily similar. Remove the Jewish girl (Patty) and substitute a Christian one. Instead of making her a loner (like Patty), involve the whole family. Move the locale from Arkansas to Georgia. Add Biblical salvation and take out respect and self-esteem.

An original script?

On the surface, they appear to have the same source material – with a few Christian “tweaks” thrown in.

Is it plagiarism?  Maybe – I don’t know.

It may not be a full beard, but it’s definitely a goatee.

“Dress Information” Excerpts, from top to bottom: BJU Student Handbook 1979, 1982, 1984, 1986.

[Goatee Panorama, from left to right: Rick Warren, V.I. Lenin, Philip Yancey, Evil Mr. Spock (Mirror, Mirror), Nathan Bedford Forrest, T.D. Jakes, Bart Ehrman, "The Master" (Dr. Who), Satan (South Park)]

Somehow I’ve managed to stay on the Bob Jones University mailing list, and, as a result, I received a copy of the BJU Review magazine, Fall 2009 edition.

For those of you who don’t know, Bob Jones University publishes a quarterly, full-color magazine. The magazine is small – only 23 pages – and focuses primarily on the University, its programs, faculty, staff and students. The inside contains a lot of fluff and promotional material – as to be expected – and “brag-a-monies”. Brag-a-monies are Christian testimonies about how “God is working in my life” by recognizing me with awards, money, position, etc.

Also, there are itineraries for the family Jones. For example: Dr. Bob Jones III (along with Mrs. Jones III) will be in Labasa, Fiji on Nov. 19, 2009 and Dr. Stephen Jones was in Washington, D.C. at the University sponsored “Friendship Banquet” on Oct. 6, 2009. (Does BJU have friends in Washington, D.C.?!)

But, what caught my attention were the photos scattered throughout the BJU Review.

It has been roughly 35 years since the University started admitting “unmarried Negros” and it has been 26 years (this November 30) since BJU lost its appeal before the U.S. Supreme Court. It’s been almost a decade since Dr. Bob Jones III made his pronouncement on CNN’s Larry King Live that BJU had reversed its policy on interracial dating – a policy which, prior to the Presidential Elections of 2000 (and “W” speaking at the University), was strictly enforced by expelling students who dated or married outside of their own race. And finally, not even a year has passed (at this writing) since BJU President Dr. Stephen Jones “apologized” for the University’s many years of racial discrimination and segregation.  (I say “apologized” because Jones blamed the University’s racial policies on American culture and attitudes at the time.)

Now, back to the BJU Review, Fall 2009 – consider the racial make-up of the photos…

How many “Colored Christians” are contained in these color(ed) pages?

The BJU Review, Fall 2009 cover: 8 whites, 1 black

p.2: 7 whites

p.3: 7 whites

p.4: No people – street sign & NYC street view with Madame Tussauds visible.

p.5: Crowd of white BJU students in NYC

p.6: No people – shot of 9/11 Gallery & sermons available on CD

p.7: Group of 10 white BJU students

p.8 & 9: 5 white faculty/staff members

p.10: 3 white people

p.11: 13 white businessman (speakers for the “Biblical Business Ethics” forum)

p.12: 1 white university President – sans goatee

p.13: [in the “fold”] 4 white students on “find out more” promo material, also itineraries for various BJU “big-shots”, personnel & reps

p.14: No people – “Sacred Audio.com” article text (uh-oh – BJU is using a Jesus Fish)

p.15: 13 white people, ½ black girl (most of face covered with hymnal)

p.16: 2 white people

p.17: 2 white people

p.18: Crowd of white BJU students in regalia

p.19: 1 black female student smiling

p.20: Approximately 15 white students in regalia, 1 Asian, 1 black student

p.21: No people – “Know Your Campus?” – trivia about BJU campus

p.22: 1 white person

p.23: No people – buy BJU logo items (fleece blanket & water bottle) at the BJU Campus Store

Back Cover: 2 white students

So, the final tally is: 1 Asian,  3 ½ Black,  100 + White people.

The rules may have changed at Bob Jones University, but if the BJU Review is any indicator, the look of the University has remained the same.

Lets look at some BJU Reviews of the past:

BJU Review Winter 1991 – 1 Asian, 2 Black (1 is not a student)

BJU Review Spring 1992 – 2 Black (neither are students)

So, what did I expect? A multi-cultural paradise where “Colored Christians” and regular (i.e., white) Christians study, learn, mingle, date and, eventually, produce the next generation of caramel-colored Bob Jones University students?

Well, yes – actually – that would’ve been nice.

But the truth is there are too many people at BJU who loved the University just the way it was – and they will quietly make sure it stays that way.

“Let him that stole, steal!  No more let him labour working with his hands.  The thing, which is good, that he may have.” ~ an intentional mis-reading of Ephesians 4:28 (KJV)

It’s rare for a large conglomerate like PepsiCo, which owns Frito-Lay, Inc., to grant permission for use of their logo to raise funds for such a divisive issue as public prayer in public schools.

c. 2000 - "The Joy of Cola"

But, apparently, the same company that set Michael Jackson’s hair on fire and used the svelte teenaged body of Britney Spears to promote its product has seen The Light.  No more will PepsiCo be seen as a promoter of homosexuality, gay marriage or any such thing that would cause your average Baptist to have a holy conniption fit – no.  PepsiCo, through its Frito-Lay Brand has decided who drinks the most soda and who eats the most potato chips.

It’s those Christians.

Yeah – that’s right – while all the Pagans and ACLU lawyers are consuming large quantities of Budweiser & Stella Artois (what attorneys drink) hanging out at Hooters, Christians everywhere, but especially in Northwest Florida, are curling up in their Snuggies with a 12-Pack of Mountain Dew and a bag of Doritos and watching Kirk Cameron in his latest Christian flick.

Who knew?

Well, apparently the Big Money Marketing Minds at PepsiCo did.  They spotted this trend last year and decided to get on board with the Religion of the Fish.

So, when the Frank Lay prayer case popped up in January of this year – why it was a God-send (literally) for Frito-Lay and they wasted no time granting permission for Pace High School to have a local T-shirt company (Paradise Screenprinting in Milton, Florida) knock off the Frito-Lay logo.

What’s really clever is that each printed T-shirt looks like a bag of Lay’s potato chips!  They’re bright yellow and across the front is the “Lay’s” logo, unaltered, with the sunflower art as a subtle reminder that Lay’s chips use the healthier sunflower oil.

Ingenious!  No wonder the Mad Men at PepsiCo & Frito-Lay earn the enormous salaries that they do – they deserve it.  Again, bravo!

So, this past Friday (Sept. 18) when the Frank Lay Prayer Case made national news, the bright yellow “Lay’s” logo was associated with preserving religion in public schools, creation taught as science in the classroom and teachers having the right to preach and proselytize students while in public school.

Makes me want to run to Wal-mart, grab a big bag of Lay’s Classic Potato Chips, a 2-Litre Pepsi and a copy of The Purpose Driven Life.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – and you’re wrong.

Actual Lay's logo

You’re probably thinking that the students at Pace High School didn’t ask for permission to use the Lay’s logo and just had Paradise Screenprinting rip it off (otherwise known as “stealing”).  Any reputable screen printing company would know that they could be sued for “unauthorized use”, so I’m sure that didn’t happen.  And besides, what little screen printing business would want to tangle with PepsiCo?

Besides, these people from Pace High were Christians – and, if I remember right, out of over 600-and-some-odd commandments God gave, one of them was and still is, “Thou shalt not steal” – and using a company’s intellectual and artistic property without permission and making money from that theft is certainly stealing.

Oh, I know – other Christians have done it.

We’ve all seen the bootlegged Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes praying at the foot of The Cross – clearly a violation of Bill Watterson’s copyright.  (Watterson has never authorized any images of Calvin and Hobbes for anything – so if you see Calvin wizzing on a Chevy, it’s a bootleg.)  Oh, and the use of the Coca-Cola-style lettering spelling out “Jesus Christ” – clearly unauthorized use, since Jesus never made anything other than wine.

Lately, the music industry has frowned upon having their artist’s property stolen without due compensation and has actually sued individuals for downloading music illegally.  So, if PepsiCo – Frito-Lay, Inc. decided to sue individuals for stealing their intellectual and artist property, the suit would not be without precedent.

But is it really stealing if it’s for a good cause?

Depends on what the definition of “good” is.

“Situational Ethics” – that’s in the Bible somewhere…right?

Soldiers of Christ, lay hold

On faith’s victorious shield:

Armed with that adamant and gold,

Be sure to win the field:

If faith surround your heart,

Satan shall be subdued:

Repelled his every fiery dart,

And quenched with Jesus’ blood.

~ Charles Wesley, from the Hymnal of the Methodist Episcopal Church, 1878

Santa Rosa School Board Member, representing District 4, JoAnn Simpson, is the woman who brought attention to the fact that Pace High School Principal H. Frank Lay asked a school employee and subordinate (Robert Freeman) to “bless the food” at a January school-related luncheon where students were present.

Since the time it was known that she, JoAnn Simpson, was the “whistle-blower” in the case, JoAnn Simpson has required the protection of U. S. Marshals. Her family has been harassed, threatened and they refuse to open unknown packages received in the mail.

JoAnn Simpson (Stone's Studio Photo)

To clarify; after witnessing the “blessing” at the school related luncheon, Simpson didn’t reach for her cell phone and immediately call the ACLU. No. She followed proper procedure and brought the prayer to the attention of the Santa Rosa Superintendent of Schools, Tim Wyrosdick. Simpson was aware of the recently signed “Admission of Liability” and was concerned that Lay asking Freeman to “bless the food” constituted a violation of that signed agreement with the U. S. District Court and the ACLU. (Which, of course it did – but the recent hoopla was over Frank Lay’s intentions: Did he purposely and overtly violate the signed Agreement? Judge Rodgers determined Lay did not.)

“I didn’t want to go into a lawsuit, didn’t want this to occur. I expected we could take care of it in-house,” Simpson said.*

Simpson is unaware of how her identity as the Whistle-Blower seeped out into the local Pace community or how the ACLU got her name. Even with all of the persecution, harassment, fear, threats and ‘round the clock protection, Simpson said she does not regret her actions and would do it again.

Simpson: “It’s been hard, but I would do it again, because it’s my job.”

JoAnn Simpson is not some newly elected rebel trying to “shake things up” – she is a 14 year veteran of the Santa Rosa School Board. She still has three years left in her term, and Simpson is determined to serve them out, but many in her district want her out now. Simpson, who like the rest of the district, is conservative and religious. A devout Catholic, she never dreamed that she would be an object of scorn and ridicule for Christians across the nation.

Simpson: “I’m a very religious person, [a] devout Catholic, [I] believe in prayer.”

Oh – Ms. Simpson – these “Christians” you’re dealing with and who would like to see harm done to you and/or your family – don’t really believe Catholics are Christians. At least not “Christian” like they are “Christian.” In fact, at the courthouse protest rally in support of Lay & Freeman, the only person shouted down by the crowd was a clean-cut young man in a “dog collar” – he appeared to be a Catholic priest.**

These groups supporting Lay & Freeman were overwhelmingly Protestant – not Catholic.

It may shock some Catholics, but Baptist churches still teach that the Pope, the Holy Father, is always a candidate for the Apocalyptic “Anti-Christ” that will appear, unite the world, kill most of the Jews and finally be cast alive into the “Lake of Fire” by a personal appearance of Jesus Christ. (Because of the “bad press” surrounding these teachings, some Baptists shy away from calling Catholics “followers of anti-Christ” – they’ve turned to condemning Islam instead, which is much more palatable in light of our current situation.)

Why, it was just a few years ago that I heard Frank Lay’s pastor, Dr. Ted Traylor of Olive Baptist Church, proclaim that the Pope was actually a Baptist. Why? Because the Pope went directly to God for forgiveness of sin, just like a Baptist would.

If you ask an honest Protestant: Are Catholics saved? (By “saved” I mean “born again” or on their way to Heaven.) Most honest Protestants will answer, “Well, there are saved Catholics…”

So, Ms. Simpson, when these Protestant Christians torment you, they are acting as “Christian Soldiers” quenching the fiery darts of Satan. They consider you a Satanic tool and so justify their very un-Christ-like actions. They consider you to be like Judas; walking closely with the Lord, but secretly serving the Devil.

According to a WEAR-TV3 interview, JoAnn Simpson “hopes now that the trial is over, tempers will cool, and things will get back to normal in Santa Rosa County.”

Simpson: “What kind of message are we giving our children? That if you don’t like a rule or law that you can protest or threaten somebody instead of going through the courts?

“What concerned me was that some child was going to get hurt simply because of being overzealous. I’ve had a parent tell me she was afraid her child would get into a fight in school.

“Hopefully people will take a breath, say ‘I understand your point’…then you can have dialogue…”

I wouldn’t hold your breath, Ms. Simpson.

Oh, and I would hang on to those U. S. Marshals…

*[Thanks to WEAR-TV3 reporter Laurie Bernstein. All JoAnn Simpson quotes are from Ms. Bernstein’s exclusive interview with Ms. Simpson on 9/17/09. ~ Ekta]

**[He was and his name is Rev. Nathan Monk, Pastor, St. Faustina Old Catholic Church, Pensacola.]

H. Frank Lay - sittin' pretty

Outside the Federal Courthouse in Pensacola, Florida, there emerged victorious Pace High School Principal H. Frank Lay, smiling and waving to the assembled crowd, most of which were; A) skipping school, B) skipping work or C) unemployed. Some of the supporters actually lived in Florida – others came across state lines to; A) get on TV, B) go to the beach on Friday, or C) find a job in Florida.

Question is – since Frank Lay was let off the hook by U.S. District Judge Casey Rodgers (because there was not enough evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that Lay intentionally violated the Admission of Liability he signed in December 2008) then preaching, proselytizing and prayer are back “in” at Pace High School, a.k.a., “the Baptist School.”

Right?

After 9 hours of debate and 10 witnesses, Judge Rodgers said no. She stood by her previous orders, upholding case law that prohibits prayer in school.

Rodgers made it clear that “the unconstitutional promoting of religion by public school officials will not be tolerated.”

The only thing that was saved was Principal H. Frank Lay’s butt spending quality time in jail bunking with “Dr. Dino” (Kent Hovind) behind bars.

And what of H. Frank Lay?

Now that he has stood up for his principles and fought the Evil ACLU, surely he, the truly awesome super-Christian, Frank Lay, will be leading prayers at Pace High – right?

Let’s hear from our intrepid leader:

Location: exterior, Federal Courthouse, Pensacola, Florida

Time: early evening, approximately, 6:45 pm, Sept. 17, 2009

- Dan Thomas (WEAR-TV3, Pensacola) – “Principal Lay, are you sorry that prayer took place in this incident?”

- Lay: “I’m not…”

- Horatio Mihet/Lay’s lawyer (forcibly interrupting before his client ends up back in court): “Let’s just focus on the victory today.”

Later, apparently, Frank Lay and his attorney, Julio Iglesias – I mean, Horatio Mihet (an attorney for the Falwell backed-Reverend Moon funded-Liberty Counsel), must have had a long talk, because by the time the channel 3 news came on at 10:00 pm, Principal Lay had all of the right responses – for someone who wants to stay out of court:

"We regret that it caused such consternation."

[Quotes from an interview with Lay and his attorney Mihet by Dan Thomas, reporter for WEAR-TV3, Pensacola. The interview took place in front of Lay’s home. Dan Thomas’ questions have been omitted, because they were all about the same – “Do you regret praying?  and ect... ~ Ekta]

Thomas question…

- Lay: “We will be honoring the consent decree.”

Thomas question…

- Lay: “We’re just excited about the fact that we’ve been exonerated by Judge Rodgers. We appreciate her graciousness and we intend to comply with the consent decree.”

Thomas question…

- Lay: “We regret the fact that it caused such consternation. We realize now that we have to honor the consent decree.”

The same Thomas question…

- Lay: “Well – [interruption by yelling of supporters] – ha, ha – Can you rephrase your question again?”

Again, the same Thomas question…

- Lay: “We regret what resulted from it” [the prayer].

Final Thomas question to Lay…

- Lay: “We will comply with the consent decree – there’ll be some adjustments made” [at Pace High School].

I’m no brain surgeon, but it seems to me like Principal Lay intends to “comply with the consent decree.”

Score one for the ACLU.

Now – some lingering questions:

1) Was Santa Rosa County public school transportation (buses, vans, etc.) used to transport Santa Rosa County students to the courthouse?

FritoLay, Inc. - supporter of school prayer?

2) Did Frito-Lay, Inc (or PepsiCo) authorize the use of their “Lay’s” trademark for use on printed and sold T-shirts supporting Frank Lay? Does Frito-Lay, Inc. (PepsiCo) support overturning the ban on prayer in public schools?

3) Did the students who elected to stay in school in Santa Rosa County and did not attend the federal courthouse protest & vigil receive proper education and supervision? Were they “singled out” or treated differently in any way?

4) Were Pace High School students told they could miss school (wink, wink) and support Lay with no consequences by their teachers or by the school staff?

Just asking.

“WHEREFORE, Defendants, SCHOOL BOARD FOR SANTA ROSA COUNTY, FLORIDA, JOHN ROGERS, in his official capacity as Superintendent of the School District of Santa Rosa County, Florida and H. FRANK LAY, in his official capacity as Principal of Pace High School, notifies the Court that they admit liability in this action, acknowledge that Plaintiffs are entitled to certain relief and hereby request an order setting a scheduling conference and staying all discovery.

The Defendants here have admitted liability and have requested the Court’s assistance in resolving the only remaining issue; Plaintiffs’ entitlement to relief.” ~ text from the “Defendants Notice of Admission of Liability” filed December 15, 2008 before the U.S. District Court, Northern Florida.

“To think that a person can be held in criminal contempt for asking someone to say a prayer, it really concerns me and many members of Congress.” ~ Representative Jeff Miller, Republican, Chumuckla, Florida, September 16, 2009

Is there anything more despicable than a politician using religion to pander to his constituents? The religionists I despise the most are the ones that use the fear and mystery of religion to empower themselves.

For example – Congressman Jeff Miller inserting himself and his 54 Congressional “Prayer Buddies” into the Frank Lay/Robert Freeman case. In a letter addressed to Lay and Freeman, the “Congressional Prayer Caucus” totally gets it wrong. From the letter dated 9/14/09:

“…to charge someone criminally for engaging in such an innocent practice would astonish the men who founded this country on religious liberty.”

And these guys represent us – represent me – gah!

The issue, Representative Miller, is not prayer! The issue is one man [Lay] violating an Admission of Liability that he [Lay] signed along with his supervisor and employer before a U.S. District Court. And, the same undersigned man [Lay] had a subordinate [Freeman] violate the above mentioned court ordered agreement between the Plaintiffs and the Defendants. That, Representative Miller, is the issue. It’s not prayer – it’s not a prayer – it’s a man [Lay] going back on his word and, on his own, violating a previously signed agreement – oh – and then going around town shooting his mouth off about it.  If Lay’s convictions were such, why did he sign in the first place?  Why isn’t he employed at a private religious school?

Yes, Congessman Miller, the Founders of this country would be astonished. Astonished that we have publically funded (government) education.  Astonished that non-religious folk are forced to subsidize unwarranted and unwanted preaching, proselytizing and promotion of religion within that publically funded school system.

Here in the rusting Bible Belt, no politician stays in office very long unless he thumps his Bible every once in a while. This is Jeff Miller’s opportunity to pound his Bible, stamp his feet and proclaim from the mountain tops that he loves Jesus. With Congressional approval ratings nearly in single digits, unemployment rising, costs going up, war dragging on and Congress spending us into oblivion – nothing works better at distracting the voters from the real issues than good ol’ Bible thumping.

Some of us see you for what you are, Congressman Miller – a religious “puffer fish.”

Tomorrow (9/17), Lay & Freeman go to court. They’re already heroes in the eyes of religionists, so the outcome of the case will only serve to justify Lay & Freeman’s convictions (and make a mockery of signing the Admission of Liability) or make of them martyrs (and true religious liberty suffers another set back).

Either way we lose.